Stop Solving Every Problem: The 1-3-1 Method for Leaders and Parents
A simple structure that builds ownership, confidence, and better thinking.
A few years back, I came across the 1-3-1 method on Instagram, and it stuck with me.
At the time, I was running into something that I think a lot of leaders and parents experience. Getting real participation and ownership is harder than it sounds. I noticed some team members consistently wanted my input before moving forward. Not because they lacked ability, but because they were hesitant to make the call.
And honestly, I get it.
Making decisions can feel risky. Nobody wants to choose wrong.
But I also knew this: I didn’t want to be the bottleneck. I wanted their thinking. I wanted their perspective. Some of my best decisions come from piecing together multiple viewpoints and pressure testing the angles.
The challenge is that it’s not very effective to just say, “What do you think?” or “Go solve it.”
Most people need more structure than that.
That’s where the 1-3-1 method comes in.
When someone brings an issue forward, the expectation is simple:
- 1 clearly defined problem
- 3 possible solutions
- 1 recommended path forward
What I’ve found is that a clearly defined problem is often half solved already. Requiring three options forces deeper thinking. And asking for one recommendation builds ownership.
In the office, this has helped shift conversations from dependency to initiative.
At home, I don’t formally call it 1-3-1, but I’m constantly encouraging my kids to be problem solvers. Instead of jumping in immediately, I try to push them a little further down the thinking path. Not to put pressure on them, but to build the muscle.
Because that’s really what this is.
Structure builds confidence.
Clear expectations build communication.
And over time, people stop waiting to be rescued and start showing up with solutions.
If my last Between Meetings & Meals piece talked about building the bones of how we operate, this is one of the practical frameworks that actually puts that into motion. [Meetings & Meals 004 Link]
If you’re finding yourself constantly being the default problem solver, try the 1-3-1 approach this week. Use it with your team. Use it with your kids. Adjust it to fit your style.
It doesn’t eliminate discussion.
It just moves everyone further down the field before the conversation even starts.
And in my experience, that’s where real growth begins.
Give it a shot this week. Sometimes the breakthrough isn’t more oversight. It’s better structure.
If this resonated, the newsletter is where it continues — one honest email at a time.